Call Me Linda

By Linda Cicoira

When people first started calling me “Miss Linda” and “Ma’am,” I thought it was because they didn’t know how to pronounce my last name. What else could it have been?

I would be called by the nurse at the doctor’s office or wherever I had to wait my turn, and suddenly, I had this title. I hadn’t been wearing my tiara. I wasn’t giving the parade wave. But there it was again. Hello, “Miss Linda.”

Could it be that my age was starting to show? Nah!! Impossible. I had been the youngest person in my high school class. What year was that again? Well, the century just changed the other day, didn’t it?

I decided to consult the experts at Google.com about this dilemma.

Those guys said, “Being called ‘Miss’ followed by your first name typically signifies a blend of respect, warmth, and familiarity. It is very common in the Southern U.S. as a polite, culturally-rooted term used to show courtesy while remaining friendly.” It is “often used by children toward adults.”

Oh no! “Just call me Linda, please,” I repeatedly told them.

People apparently believe it is warm and fuzzy to address me this way rather than to call me Ms. and my last name.

In a classroom or other place, where there is a person of authority, children will frequently address women in this way to signify respect.

Yet, the article continued, a child might be called “Miss” or “Mister” and their first name when they are being given a formal warning to behave.

So, are these people really respecting me? Or are they scolding me? I’m confused. And I still feel as though someone guessed my age incorrectly.

Then I read that southern gentlemen might use the old-fashioned term because they have a romantic interest in me, and are attempting to be playful or endearing.

No wonder I have never had much luck with men. I sure never read that signal correctly.

“Overall,” Google stated, “It is generally intended to be a courteous and welcoming form of address.”

In other writings, it was suggested that I give them a pet name to call me. So, I decided “Princess” would be preferred. You know, like the beautiful Snow White or the one who couldn’t get a good night’s sleep after lying on ten piled-high mattresses because a single extra small Le suere pea was underneath it all.

Yes, Princess shows respect. Unless … it is spoken with sarcasm. Okay, maybe that is not such a great idea. We all know how a tone of voice can change a meaning.

During my investigation, I kept coming across the word honorific. It said the title “Miss” before a first name was meant as such. But I kept noticing how much that term looked like horrific. And so, I do not think it is a nice thing.

Please call me Linda.