Before 9 a.m.: A Night Owl’s Miserable Tour Through Morning Light

By Linda Cicoira

Night owls like me are just not meant to get up at 6 a.m.

It’s eerie. It’s still dark outside. I’m just finally starting to fall into a deep sleep by then. I’m certainly not ready to rise and shine.

Scientists have determined that the most productive time of day is late morning. Somewhere between 9 a.m. and 11 a.m., when alertness and concentration peak. I was born at 9:15 a.m. Ever since then, anything earlier is dreadful.

So, when my cell phone’s alarm sounded at that unreasonable hour on a recent morning, dreaming was not even a thought yet. That’s right. I said it. Getting up early robs people of their dreams! It should be illegal.

But I had to do it. So, I tried to be a trooper. I rolled out and up. I pulled open the blackout curtain to see what was happening outside at that time of day. I learned the birds were still asleep, and I really couldn’t see much at all. It was way too dark to walk my dog. She’s a night owl, too. My Siberian Husky looked at me like, “What the heck is this woman up to now?”

I persevered. Quickly, I decided to eat a bowl of cereal first, and maybe the sky would brighten up a bit before we went outside. I dressed, washed my face, ate, and put on my coat. Ok, at 6:15 a.m., it was a little better, but I still had to turn on my porch light.

We walked to the end of the driveway, where I could see a light purple and pink mist across the horizon. I have to admit it was pretty, but was it worth getting up for? Nah. Give me a sunset anytime, please.

To my surprise, a few cars passed us. I remember thinking it must be getting late if others were up. So, we hurried along and were soon back at the house, preparing to see the world. It was 7 a.m. I needed to be at my destination in 30 minutes. I had plenty of time. Where did that first hour go?

I got in the car and saw that the windows were covered with ice. Oh no! I was going to be late. I didn’t have time to scrape the windshield. I didn’t know where the scraper was. This doesn’t happen at 10 a.m. After pouring some hand sanitizer on the window, blasting the defroster, spraying windshield wiper fluid, and waiting for a miracle, I drove off at last.

Ugh. Then the sun was glaring into my face. Where was that when I was trying to clear the frost? Why is the sun on the left? That’s odd. The car’s visor isn’t even made to extend in that direction. Why was that truck in front of me going 30 mph? Doesn’t it know I had somewhere to be? A line is forming behind it. Where were all these people coming from? And what happened to my morning constitutional? My stomach hurt.

I finally arrived where I have to be. Of course, the chore only takes a few minutes. Why haven’t we earthlings figured out how to put Star Trek Enterprise teleporters in every household?

I decided to go to a few places while I had the time. The sun was still staring me in the face. It was blinding.

I found that hardly any businesses were open yet. In some cases, store hours of operation were not posted on the front door entrances. I know when these places close. Isn’t that enough?

And I couldn’t find my car keys. I had to have them because I couldn’t have started the car without them. Oh, how did they get under the front passenger seat? I decided to go home. Instead of passing buses taking kids home from school, I saw several of them leaving Pungoteague Elementary. Those poor children were already in their classrooms! The buses were empty. How do the kids even concentrate? How did their teachers teach?

Oh my, I saw a beautiful golden fox run across the road and across a field. It turned back and looked at me before disappearing into the woods. What a day. I was exhausted, and it was only 8:45 a.m. Suddenly, I heard John Denver singing. It was something about taking me home on a country road. I didn’t have to be told twice.